Episode 82 — Rebuilding the Culture Through the Heart of Women


About the episode | Listen to the episode | Meet Kiki Rocha | Episode transcript


About the episode

"I am convinced that when every single woman is able to encounter the God mission inside of her, there is nothing that will stop her from turning the world to Christ." Kiki Rocha is a fierce champion for human dignity and bringing the light of God to the world. As a survivor of many traumas endured in her life, she now finds herself on a mission to rebuild culture through the heart of women, and she does this through expanding their mindset and helping them find their unique God-mission. She desires for women to live fully alive and launch their dreams. In this episode, Kiki and I talk about her past work with The Culture Project, the strength and inspiration she draws from her mother, and the ways in which God uses her story as a vessel for light and joy in the world.

Listen to the episode

Meet Kiki Rocha

Krizia Rocha, or "Kiki" as many know her, loves life! She is Los Angeles born and raised. Three and a half years of her life she spent as a missionary working at Los Angeles Pregnancy Services, Maggie's Place and The Culture Project International. Her heart for women has led her to become a Self-Worth and Mindset Coach with The Woman School and a Catholic Latina Speaker. If you want to make her smile, bring her a baby and some guacamole.


Links:

Follow Kiki on Instagram: @kikiiithebrave

This is the article that Kiki wrote that we referenced in the episode: "When Loving Your Parents Get Difficult" (The Culture Project, 2019)

Episode transcript


00:01 Content warning: Just a heads up before we started the show today. This episode contains mentioned sexual assault and sexual abuse. So please take care of when listening to this episode.


00:15 MUSIC

00:25 RACHEL: This is The Feminine Genius Podcast, a podcast that celebrates all women of God and their unique genius. I'm your host, Rachel Wong. 00:35 MUSIC 00:46 RACHEL: Kiki Rocha is a fierce champion for human dignity and bringing the light of God to the world. As a survivor of many traumas endured in her life, she now finds herself on a mission to rebuild culture through the heart of women, and she does this through expanding their mindset and helping them find their unique God-mission. She desires for women to live fully alive and launch their dreams into our society. In this episode, Kiki and I talk about her past work with The Culture Project, the strength and inspiration she draws from her mother, and the ways in which God uses her story as a vessel for light and joy in the world.

01:28 MUSIC 01:44 RACHEL: Hi Kiki! 01:45 KIKI ROCHA: Hi Rachel! 01:47 RACHEL: How are you? 01:48 KIKI ROCHA: I feel very joyful amidst all that has been happening in life. Definitely, the Lord is always for us, so keeping an eye out for all the God-winks this week, and this being one of them!

02:01 RACHEL: That is one of my favourite terms, God-winks! It was introduced to me by a friend another podcast that I was on not too long ago. But I just love that term and I'm grateful that this is a God-wink for you, so thank you so much. 02:15 KIKI: Oh, I love sisterhood time. It's gonna be so good you guys! 02:18 RACHEL: Amen! So, maybe to start off for those who don't know you, I was wondering if you could introduce yourself and share a little bit about what you do right now. 02:27 KIKI: Yes, I would love to! So my name is Kiki Rocha. I am a self-worth and mindset strategist with The Woman School, and also a Catholic speaker. [I'm] bilingual, and I say that because I love speaking Spanish! [laughs] I always joke with my friends that if you can actually roll your R's, you can be friends with me. My last name is Rocha, so I always get them with that. Anyhoo, yes! I am on a mission to rebuild culture through the heart of woman, bringing woman back to wholeness, helping her cultivate your self-worth, you know, expand her mindset for the Lord, and launch your dreams into reality. So, I love doing this. Prior to this I actually was doing work with The Culture Project, so human dignity and all that, you know, really helps us understand how important and sacred the human person is also my jam. So that's a little bit about me. 03:20 RACHEL: And there's just so much richness that you, just in a very quick overview, I mean, I cannot wait to jump in! But we'll start by maybe just having you share a little bit of your faith journey and how it is that you got to where you are today. 03:37 KIKI: Yeah, of course! I have grown my circle to include a lot of friends who went to Catholic school, you know. And we're cradle Catholics in that way and they're faith was cultivated in school. Some of them, maybe not, but a lot of them have found that like Catholicism has been a part of their life up until now. And for me, although I was a cradle Catholic and I'm Mexican, Mexican-American. So it was very much ingrained in me when I was little, very much cultural, but I lost a sense of my faith, I would say probably around, like my preteen years, I just began to shut you know God out and say, "I don't want you to be part of this space, you know, of my life." And when I would need Him, I would then think of Him, maybe do a little bit of arrow prayers or whatnot. But the reason why I lost the sense of God was because I was trapped in a traumatic experience for many, many years. And so, from the age of 13 to I would say probably like 24, that trauma just took me captive. And I'm still healing from that, I'm still restoring from that. Maybe some listeners out there can attest to, you know, how much work, trauma really takes to like heal and like come back, you know, to, to feel fully alive again, right? And so from like 13 to 24, I really lived in this silence, Rachel, this silence of the heart and of my desires, and just this numbness, and it wasn't until after the Lord kind of unveiled what had happened to me—and for the listeners out there, I experienced sexual abuse at the hand of my biological father. And so, for those years, I was just trapped in a cage and I just was not myself and in my relationship with God the Father, for that reason, was very much tainted. And it wasn't until I got back with an ex-boyfriend of mine that it was made apparent to me what had happened to me, and that was by the grace of God. It definitely spiraled me downward! The instant that I realized, "Oh my goodness, I'm codependent." It just began this like domino effect of all of these like aha moments, of "Wow like you're codependent." He knew, and you also have this and you also have that because of this huge wound, right? So afterward, I came across the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. And granted, my conversion took place—I mean, we're always converting—but my, the initial part of my conversion took place within a few months. It was just like rapid fire, you know? It was like a few months, and those St. Ignatius Spiritual Exercises, the solidified my faith. There was a priest in town who was doing a class on them, because St. Ignatius was the one student a month, you know, according to history, and mentor them and whatnot. But this priest, obviously has thousands of parishioners, so he would open up these classroom and have people sign up become. So it was a 10-week course and I did 10 weeks, three times, back to back, because I couldn't get enough. And that was really, Rachel, like the launching pad for the rest of my life. And so I've been back in the faith for about six years and always growing, always do my best to deepen my relationship with God and never arriving, right? 06:55 RACHEL: Yeah and, you know, first off I just want to acknowledge what you shared there, and how difficult it must be. Like having gone through just some traumatic experiences of my own, like you said, we never fully arrived like first—like, in relation to the face we never fully arrive. But also recognizing to the healing, trauma, grief, all these things are also, you know, maybe fortunately or unfortunately, are also things that we never fully arrive in. But I think the beautiful nexus that I'm seeing is just where you've come to see and place your trust in God, and your worth in God. So I just want to affirm you for that. Thank you for your openness and your vulnerability. That is so beautiful. 07:41 KIKI: Absolutely! And you know I love the word nexus! [laughs] Because it really does, I mean like it's so accurate, you know? And this sharing, this sharing I'm able to do that because of the work that I've been doing with God, cooperating with His grace, you know? And really, the sacraments have been such like pivotal players in my life. The Sacrament of Confession, like I hadn't gone when the Lord just, you know unveiled the truth of my story to me. General confession, you guys, general confession is such a grace! To be able to go into, you know, the confessional and have the priest literally walk you through your entire life and all the sins that you've committed and laying them down at the foot of the cross and receiving the mercy of God, after you've repented, you know. That was incredibly healing for me and restorative. And of course then, you have like the practical ways in which the Lord also, you know, puts people, places and things for you to heal, like therapy, you know? Like mentorship, spiritual direction, and all of the things. So I find that my work now has been so meaningful to me because I come from a place of incredible brokenness. You know, having been brought up by a single mother, living in poverty for most of my life—both poverty like financially and like poverty of mind, feeling like I'm never going to get out of this. And the familial poverty too, you know? I want to recognize, that because I'm sure many of your listeners may come from broken homes, and the way that the society is panning out now, we are becoming more de-sensitized to divorce and seeing single-parent homes as like so normal, right? But in reality, that's not how the Lord intended it to be. So that also deserves a place to be referenced and honoured. So anyhoo, Rachel, now that I'm walking with women! My goodness, to be able to like really help them to see and how to engage their story and see how their self-worth is tied to their story is an incredible privilege for me. 09:37 RACHEL: Yeah. And that juxtaposition, too, of—you know, like you said, having come from a place of brokenness. And many times I'm starting to recognize, too, that it's in those places of brokenness where it's really the Lord who comes and you even mentioned it yourself , Kiki, like this idea of cooperating with God's grace. So the fact that He knows how to put the pieces back together, but He desires for us to trust in Him and and journey with Him in that process. So being able to come and work with Him in that way, to be able to heal and grow in His love, and recognizing your self-worth in that way. You know, because you've become so enlivened by that idea and now you're able to pour out into people and women in particular. So maybe just as we dive into that, I would love to hear about your time with The Culture Project, because I know that you did some missionary work with them, you did a lot of speaking with them. So how did you get involved in The Culture Project? 10:35 KIKI: Oh, that was [laughs] That needs a whole book in and of itself! In a gist, really, it was such an adventure. I was working at Los Angeles Pregnancy Services, which is a crisis pregnancy center for mothers considering abortion. That was right after I reverted, by the way. I like said, "You know what? I'm leaving my full time job as a fitness trainer, because the Lord is like asking me to and I'm starting this pro-life position." And took a tremendous paycut! [laughs] As you know, pro-life work does not pay the best but it's like we're there because we have the heart for it. So I was there, and it was there that I learned way story as an abortion survivor as well, my mom telling me and it just all came full circle. So it was in, in those moments where the Lord began to reveal myself, He started to place a desire to go out of LA and serve. And I didn't know what that would mean. I just knew they had these missionary friends from The Culture Project who became really close to me and inspired me, and I began to fall in love with St. John Paul II around that time. And their patron saint is JP2, you know, we talk about Theology of the Body in The Culture Project and chastity and hyman sexuality, all the beautiful things of the human experience. And in my relationship with them, I began to more tangibly see the fruit of this beautiful, you know, teaching in their community, and I wanted it for myself. I wanted for myself, and I wanted to speak about these things I noticed my heart becoming roused up when we would talking about these things. So I said, "You know what? They're encouraging me to apply, I'm gonna do it, heck with it! Let's see what happens." And so I applied and I actually did not get it the first time around, and the Lord rerouted me. And it's so funny now they look back at it, because I got the call when I was at work at LAPS, Los Angeles Pregnancy Services. And I was folding baby clothes in the closet in the back of the pregnancy center, on the floor. [laughs] And my coworker you know hands me the phone, and I'm speaking to the person you know that CP has assigned to let us know, and once I hang up the phone, I just began crying with baby clothes all over me. But it was because it was this deep desire you know to serve for the Lord! And, you know, that led me to Phoenix to serve at Maggie's Place. I'm now in Phoenix, I go back and forth in LA. But being here, has reminded me so much of my missionary years with Maggie's Place, serving homeless pregnant moms and babies. A year later though, Rachel, the desire to knocking at the door of my heart and I said, "You know what, I'm going to give God another chance!" [laughs] So, I re-applied! And in that season, I began to date someone. So it was, can you imagine? Like, I began to date someone, and I also was applying to The Culture Project. Granted, The Culture Project asked for a dating fast the first year for missionaries. And so in my mind I was like, "All right, like, it's either I date this man, or I take a dating fast. Like, which one's it going to be Lord?" So I said no to The Culture Project in that moment, this was around April of 2018. I stopped seeing the young man about a month later and I said, "This is funny, God. What's going on? Like, I have no man and no mission now, what's going on?" [laughs] But about three months later in August of that year, so God made His face known, because I was in San Francisco after having finished my mission here with Maggie's Place, and I get a call from my friend Lindsey Fay from The Culture Project and she's like, "Kiki! We have one more spot left like in the West Coast, and we want you. Like, you have a story to share, and we know it's gonna change lives. Will you say yes to this mission?" And I was like, "Whoa, this is crazy!" Rachel, I had taken a job, I thought I was gonna be staying in Phoenix. I quit my job before even starting, moved all my things and came back to LA, to my old stomping grounds, to serve for about two years and so that is the story behind The Culture Project! [laughs] 14:50 RACHEL: It's incredible just to see how the Lord works, and of course, we don't have that foresight because we're only human. So we see things as like ships in the night almost. You're just kind of just missing it and then like you said it, you know suddenly you didn't have the mission, you didn't have the guy, so the word that is coming back to me just time and time again, as we're chatting is deep trust, and just deep abandonment to God's mission, and how He was able to bring you back to your hometown, really, to be able to share in, just as we kind of like transition into the work that you're doing currently. I want to speak to this real heart that you have for shifting the culture, and really helping women to again like seek this personal wholeness in a way that you still, I'm sure, like are growing in, but what have been some of the ways like aside from, you know, The Woman School, that you're working with right now, but what have been some of the ways that you've seen that really in action for you? Like bringing women to this place of wholeness and recognizing that they are worth so much more than our culture portrays sometimes? 15:58 KIKI: Yes, absolutely. So with The Woman School, it has really been such a beautiful transition, you know, going from The Culture Project to The Woman School because with CP, I literally spent every single day going into the classroom and proclaiming, you know, human dignity to people who needed to hear it: the young people who have forgotten who they are, you know and whose they are. And speaking on hard subjects like abortion, pornography, contraception, human trafficking, you know, things that people at times ant to turn a blind eye to, but it's a reality in our world today. So with The Woman School, it has become more practical in nature. I have been able to still proclaim the dignity of every human person, and in the context of woman, you know, but also in the context of their life and their heart and their desires and their dreams. So it's become so much more intimate to be able to build those relationships with women. And it's been through that journey, you know, expanding my business to be able to receive those that really need it, because there is a whole generation of women, Rachel, who are struggling with feeling depleted, struggling with not knowing what their God-mission is, struggling with not feeling like there are enough. Turning away good men because they don't feel like they are good enough, you know? In potentially a holy vocation! So, this is life-changing work, and I've loved it because it has opened up an avenue now for me, I have a mission, you know, I have a passion for human dignity, and out of my own story this desire has been born. I'm going to be starting my own brand, and the website is right now in the works and all the thngs, but I want women to know that this is in the works because if this is something that they're currently dealing with, then I want them to reach out to me, because I see a need, you know. There are women out there struggling with addiction to pornography and women that have been survivors of sexual abuse, and there might not be enough help for them. You know, there are books, there's podcasts, you know, there's therapy, but one-on-one coaching into wholeness is way different. It's distinct, and I want to be able to walk them through a program that's going to help them unleash you know their true identities as daughters, and also what God the Father wants to get them. Because while women are addicted to pornography, they're not going to be able to dream. They're not going to be able to receive wholeness, because addiction doesn't allow us to, you know? And so, I haven't seen it be done, and I want to be able to fuse my love for Theology of the Body, my love for mindset work and personal development, and my faith! You know, all in one, and help me walk with women hand by hand, who are struggling with both of these things, and bring them back to life.

18:47 RACHEL: That's incredible! And I just want to like speak to as well like this, deepening that we've been kind of really going through, just in this conversation just one thing—I think you used the analogy of dominoes earlier—but really, that's kind of, in the most positive way, how it's all connected and God continues to just draw you into a place of fullness and wholeness and being able to start something of your own because you're seeing a need. You're seeing that it's not being addressed and you know, I love to hear from you like in terms of, like some of the narratives that we see in the culture right now— and I know that you touched on a few of them throughout our conversation. But to even speak into some of the lies that we see as a woman, I was wondering if you could maybe speak into a little more some of the things that you've seen that women have said to you, or just maybe some of your own observations when it comes to the lies of the culture tells us about women and womanhood. 19:46 KIKI: Yeah, one most recent line that a woman that I'm working with right now, you know, shared with me. And I was like, "My goodness! This is something that I have dealt with in the past I felt like I was the only one" Isn't that always the case? The devil seems to want to isolate us, you know? And so therefore we keep all of it inside [laughs] and we think we're the only ones! So she said to me, "Kiki, I feel like I'll never be able to enter into holy marriage because of my past family dynamics. Because my family has been so broken that there was a sense of shame and embarrassment there." And I just like, sat with that, and I was like, "Wow! She's not the only one. I'm not the only one. There are so many women who have been born into families just like ours, you know, who then feel maybe helpless or hopeless, as to goodness, Lord, like will this desire ever come to fruition? Will I ever be able to sustain this desire in a good and holy marriage, you know, because of the example that my own family gave me? And also, will I ever be chosen?" I'm expand on this a little bit, because when I was at Maggie's Place, I was, if not the only one, probably one of the few, but I feel like I was the only one now looking back, who did not have that big, huge, Catholic family! [laughs] Every single missionary that walked into that door that year had a huge Catholic family, super devout and super, you know, close. And I just felt like incredibly... not outcast, because they didn't do anything to make me feel that way, but set apart, you know? I felt like, "Wow, like, that's not my story." And in that moment, there was a sense of shame and embarrassment and a deep longing. Now looking back, I've been able to turn them around to no, this is my story. You know? And it is up to me to break the chains of brokenness and begin again. And so I would definitely say that some of the lies that women believe is that their story is perpetual at the hands of the devil, you know, and they have no active, right participation in it. It's like no, like we teach women in The Womenn School that they, by their free will, you know, the authority that God has bestowed upon them as sons and daughters of God, they have the ability and the power to co-create their life. And that means engaging their story and that also means rewriting their story. 22:19 RACHEL: Wow, Amen! I just appreciate so much just like the not only the message that you're exhorting, but also the real conviction and passion that you bring with it. And it's so clear that you just have this heart of courage you have this heart for women. And it just makes me think of something that shortly after we connected, I was doing some research, as I usually do in preparation for interviews and whatnot. And I came across a blog post that you wrote. I believe it was during a time of The Culture Project. And you were writing about your mom in such a beautiful way, you were talking about honouring your parents. And just really quickly as just to really sum it up, you know, you painted a very vivid pictue of your mother, as a courageous lion, getting ready to pounce because you know, something was awry—and that's putting it very lightly, and I'll be sure to link the article in the show notes. But I was wondering if you could speak to that, just like you know, the relationship with your mom. Because I recognize too that for us as women, we really do take the time to like, absorb and reflect back some of the relationships that we have, I would say none more so than our relationship with our mothers. But yeah if you could speak to just your relationship with your mother and how that has informed you as a woman, as a strong woman, a courageous woman. 23:46 KIKI: Wow, for some reason—you knowm and I wrote that article, I would say like almost three years ago now, and, and the tears are like kind of right here! [laughs] Rachel, for some reason, when you bring that up, because that memory is so fond for me. It was one of the scariest moments, I believe, in my childhood, and I'll retell the story really quickly. My mom, my brother and I were, you know, on vacation in Mexico and we were staying at my grandma's property, and she has, you know, tons of apartments there. She passed away about two years ago now. But she had an apartment right at the very top, and, and I believe at times, you know given that, you know, we were coming from America, someone may have thought that we had tons of money! [laughs] And noticed, oh, there's Americans here! And so that night—my mom also did not grow up in the safest neighborhood, it was very, very poor. The Missionaries of Charity are there, so you can... that speaks volumes of that. So we were sleeping that night and we were on a queen bed, me, my mom and my little brother, and I was around, I would say like six or seven. And I hear all of a sudden in the middle of the night, I opened my eyes and I see my mom. And I was so drowsy. I kind of, it was just like this, blurred vision, but I see my mom holding this huge like butcher's knife. Like you probably can, like, imagine like something pretty big. I'm talking about like huge! Like probably bigger than like her torso and her head combined, because she had brothers who were butchers and so my uncle had left something there, because there was a man trying to open the door. And the way that the door was set up, there was like an opening, like someone had cracked open the door at some point. And so there was a, you know, there was something broken there, and he was able to put his hand through that and try to open the door on the inside. And my mom just fiercely started like yelling with like such courage and conviction. And I forget why she said something, you know, to the effect of like, "You better to leave, or I'm gonna chop your hand off!" And it's just like, it really stands firm as one of the fondest memories because that is how my mom has fought for me and my brother like our whole lives, you know? Her life has been hard. And yet she has been able to live up and live in the meaning of femininity, which implies that our soul is expansive, just like our bodies are able to carry you know, a whole other human person and develop them for nine months, which is such a miracle! So too our souls. And my mom had been able to in her poverty—you know, havig been brought up by an alcoholic grandfather, an emotionally absent mother, both very abusive unfortunately.Like super poor family living in a house that was made out of wood, you know, a floor with mud and stuff. [And she] was still able to, you know, hold her head up high, even after cheated on by all of them but in her life. You know, probably a fruit of her poor formation, you know, by her parents, so It's not her fault. But still, a lot of pain incurred, right? The two abortions that she had. She too being a rape survivor. And so...my gosh, that was, that is how I could put it best, and that article that I wrote for The Culture Project really open to see their parents in light of human dignity, because we often forget that they too are human, and they too have stories that have basically made up who they are. To be able to enter into that place of compassion and love them better. 27:30 RACHEL: Thank you. Wow, that's... I'm so cognizant of that, too, just in... you know, my own relationship with my mom and her mom, as well. Like, my grandma has also unfortunately since passed away. You right, like this generational trauma, of course, that comes up. And you know, from one generation to the next, the culture and times are always so different. Like, what goes on in the world is so different. And at the end of the day, like you said, we're all human. We're all sons and daughters of God. We all have struggles that we carry and to some degree, sometimes we share it, other times that we keep is really tightly within ourselves. And it's not necessarily right or wrong, it's just who we are and how we walk through the world. So just reading that was such a really enlightening moment. It just gave me so much to think about, and especially in light of human dignity, as you were saying. Just this idea that every person has dignity, they have worth, and they are so, so loved by God the Father. 28:33 KIKI: Yes! Human dignity is like a whole...it is our identity, it is a reality that I believe we can try to fathom to the best of our ability, but truly it remains a mystery. Because we are made an image and likeness of God and God is forever mysterious, right? [laughs] 28:52 RACHEL: And I'm so cognizant also of the fact that because He's love—like you said, He is so mysterious, to the point where we will never fully or ever understand or ever totally figure out. But He didn't have to make us. He didn't have to create human beings, especially, you know, given the craziness that started after our first parents, Adam and Eve, and what happened there. So it's so fascinating whenever people talk about thatjust this idea of like, He didn't make us because He was lonely. He didn't make us because He was bored. He made us because He loves us so much, because He Himself was loved and he wanted to pour that out to other people. And what I'm seeing is you are such a beautiful example of someone who has seen that, who has taken that, and recognizes it. And then continues to just be another face of God to other people, to the women you work with, to all the people you've served in all of your various capacities and all of those you will continue to serve well after this conversation and beyond. So, I just have so much gratitude in my heart for your mission and your conviction in that! 30:00 KIKI: Oh, thank you, Rachel! You know, I feel very, very convinced as well that like when every single woman is able to encounter the God-mission inside of her, there will be nothing that will stop her from turning the world towards Christ. You know, that metanoia, and we're all made for that. That's why my work I find is so passionate in so much and I wake up every day feeling so incredibly grateful to be able to say, "You know what? Like, this is the work of Jesus Christ Himself." And so I wonder for our listeners, like, what is your God-mission? You know, what is God asking you to do for Him? What kind of metanoia does He want you to convey to the world? Because that truly is what we are speaking through our whole life, you know? Like, our life is going to be people read if they've never read the Bible before! [laughs] Right? It could be the only Bible that they read. 30:57 RACHEL: Wow. And that's a powerful image as well. The idea that we—very similarly, we could be the only faces of Christ that people who, you know know, were not privileged to hear about Him, know about Him, go to a Catholic school. We could be, like you said, the only Bible that people read, the only face of Christ that people encounter. And I love that question that you ask, like what is each of our God-missions? Because we've been given such unique and specific purpose, that I feel like many times, I get so overwhelmed, like with, "Wow, like you want me to do what? Or you want me to help how?" And maybe, just as a bit of encouragement for our listeners, especially maybe for those who have been in places desolation and brokenness, and may feel like, "Oh, well that is someone else's story. Like someone else can do that but you don't know where I've been." what encouragement do you have for those people who may be listening to this?

32:00 KIKI: Wow, well first off, that can be a very real experience, you know? And I know I've been there before, where you look to the right and you look to the left and you're like, "Well that's amazing for you." Right? I would definitely say that, as you begin to dive into layers of, you know, your past and because our past, it does deserve reverence, right? It has led us to be who we are today. We have a duty to be able to use our wounds as our compass, but not have them cage us and limit us in what God wants to do through us. And so, I would encourage every single listener to fail forward, you know, in really executing that God-mission, and whiles in the beginning you might feel like an imposter. You might feel like, "My gosh, like, me and my desires are not, you know, catching up with the realities of the fruit that maybe my work is giving," it will. It will, I promise you, as long as you are faithful to Jesus Christ, He will never leave you. He will never part from you. He is at the door of your heart. In essence, fail fast, fail forward, and learn from it! Because fear is always trying to hold us back, you know? And fear has a name. Fear has a name, just like truth and love has a name, right? Fear also has a name, and that's satan. So he's always trying to make us feel like our stories are not good enough, like our purpose is not good enough, like our light is something that we need to become afraid of. And to be super vulnerable. like I have been afraid of my life for so long. We all get affirmed in something, right, Rachel? Like it could be like this one thing that the Lord has maybe put in a little extra, like you know, like love powder on. But every single person has something unique about them that other people notice, right? And for me, that has been like joy most of my life. When people would affirm my joy throughout my life, I would feel like, "Wow like, well Lord, thank you for that, you know, I'm glad that they can see that." Yet, for some reason, you know, prior to The Woman School, I felt like I was caging back the light that wanted to come out because I was afraid of being noticed by people. And that actually was very prideful of me. Maybe your listeners might be like, "What? Why would that be prideful?" [laughs] Because in essence, our light is the light of Jesus Christ! You know? And who are we to say, "No, Lord, I'm gonna turn it down a notch." You know? It is Him who wants to glorify Himself through you for the sake of souls! So, fail fast and fail forward and learn from it. 34:46 RACHEL: Yeah. Matthew's Gospel comes to mind about 'who takes a lamp and then hides it under a bushel basket?' And you're right, it's one of those very interesting kinda turns of heart that we have to make. And that recognition of humility and the fact that it's never us. To use your example earlier, we are walking faces of God, we are, maybe the only Bible that someone will ever read. But that's never us! It's not like the gospel of Rachel. It's not the gospel of Kiki. It's not the gospel of, insert your name here! It is the Gospel of Jesus Christ that we are sharing. And I love that it's—if some folks maybe in their homes have like those dimmer switches on their light switches? So we just installed those in our home not too long ago, and I find it fascinating, but it's...that's just the image that came to mind, where it's just like, "No Lord, it's like, I just to make just a little lower, a little lower!" But you know, His light that He's given to us... what I find so beautiful is that this is a light that is not just, you know, you only get it once you turn 21 when you become a quote unquote real adult, alhough that's contested as well! But the moment that we were conceived that light was already inside of us. And yes, it takes time, I think, just the adventures and misadventures of our lives. We start to develop it over time. Like I'm sure that the Lord and everybody that heaven just celebrates and delights when we kind of have that light switch go off in our heads as well. Like, "Oh! This is what He calls me to do. And now let's go forth and glorify God in that way." And just coming off of Matthew's Gospel as well like just after, you know, the salt and light passage, just how this is for people to see our good works, what it is that we say, what it is that we do. And they will in turn glorify God. So that's so important and I just am so appreciative that you said that. That's really wonderful.

36:43 KIKI: Yes! We all need to be brave for the Lord. Courage is like the such a virtue that I find to be necessary in this world and in this day and age, because we all have a culture that is trying to dehumanize us, you knowm in many ways. Whether that's racism, whether that's, you know, our sexuality, or abortion or what have you. We need to be warriors for Christ. There is only about one life that we get here, you know? And so every single day matters, every single day is a day closer to our death. And you might be like, "Wait, girl, you're supposed to be super joyful!" [laughs] But! That is what brings me joy. Like, the fact that I'm gonna die very soon at some point, and I don't know when! You know? And so, memento mori is such a beautiful devotion, right? And I think during Lent it definitely makes a comeback each time. But to keep death at the forefront of our minds should really motivate us and propel us to make every single day count. And, you know, squash fear like Mary did the head of the snake. 37:56 RACHEL: Yes, amen! I mean, this has been such a fruitful conversation, and to be vulnerable too, like I kind of mentioned earlier that this week has been a very interesting one for me. We're recording on a Friday, so at the end of the week, and I needed to hear all of that, and I think most especially just this idea of courage. Because I think as a woman, many times, you know, the society or culture kind of paints us as, 'you have to be meek or you have to be submissive and you have to be quiet.' And of course, like this is not to say that there is no place for that. There are women of all kinds who are real boss women who are at the forefront, they're CEOs smashing glass ceilings, and that is incredible. And there are also women who are very quiet and private and meek, also incredibly beautiful. But yeah, but just this idea that courage comes in all forms. It doesn't have to be loud, but it doesn't also have to be cowering in fear, either. Courage is something that is a virtue, it's something that is given to us by God, and I know too that He gives us the battles to face because He knows that we can get through it and He doesn't leave unequipped. 39:08 KIKI: Yes! Isn't that exciting, you guys? We have a God that is so, so good! 39:15 RACHEL: And maybe just as we know kind of tie all this together. Obviously, the title of this podcast is The Feminine Genius, something that we bonded on pretty quickly, this idea of femininity and the beauty of that. And maybe for yourself, Kiki, like in terms of your own feminine genius, how have you seen that flourish throughout your own life? 39:36 KIKI: It's a question that inevitably brings me back to a place in my story where my feminine genius was muted and destroyed and exploited at the hand of my biological father. And so for me, my feminine genius has been something that I have fought for, and really like the Lord has been so gracious and in fueling, you know, my heart to keep fighting for it, because it has been needing to be restored and will always, you know? Because what I incurred from my father is a huge, huge wound. So, my feminine genius, really, I think the word that I can come up with, if anything, would be glory. Glory has been on my heart for a long time, because when you think about it—talking about, you know, every single woman being unique—the way that God has made me is reflective of part of God's glory. And so too, like every single woman, that is her reality as well. So whoever wants to use that word for their word of the year, if you're a little late in the game like I was, please take it! [laughs] Glory, like it also speaks to the promise, the eternal promise, that we will be glorified in heaven with God, living in His glory, right? Like, oh! So I would definitely say that my feminine genius has been one of courageous glory, Rachel. 41:08 RACHEL: Yeah, and I love that image of you know, you talk about the resurrection. And Jesus Himself, when He came back from the dead, He had His wounds still. And you can't have the resurrection without crucifixion. So, Kiki, thank you so much for your time, your vulnerability, everything that you shared, all of your encouragement, and also for being a face of God to me and as I know to our listeners. So thank you so much, and I was ndering if you could lead us in a closing prayer?


41:43 KIKI: Absolutely! And I'd just love to say, thank you Rachel, too, for being that courageous woman and creating this podcast for all those who need to hear these beautiful messages that remind us of our feminine genius. Such a gift!

Okay, awesome! Let us pray. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Good and gracious Father, we give you thanks Lord for this space that you've created for women. We give you thanks for the good father that you are. We also give you thanks for your just neverending pursuit, even when we turn away from you—maybe because of hurt Lord, anger, despair, hopelessness. You find us anywhere and everywhere. And for that, we are so, so grateful. I ask that, you know, a special blessing be poured upon our listeners, upon Rachel's life and in her ministry, and upon The Woman School as well, Lord, as you steward each single one of us in our God-mission. Grant us the grace to say "yes" just like Mary did every single day. We are yours, now and forever. Amen.

42:51 RACHEL: Amen! Kiki, thank you so, so much!

42:55 MUSIC

43:01 RACHEL: Thank you again to Kiki Rocha for joining me on The Feminine Genius Podcast today! I hope you come away from this episode ready to take on the world and seek out what your God-mission is today. You can find Kiki on Instagram @KikiiiTheBrave—she has so much inspiration to share and as well as many links to other resources. I've put that link in the episode description below.

You can stay up to date with The Feminine Genius Podcast by following us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, we're @femgeniuspod. And you can listen to this podcast wherever you find your podcast, including Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and many other platforms. All this information can be found on our home on the web, femininegeniuspodcast.com. We'll talk to you soon, and God bless, always!